英語(yǔ)演講技巧冷笑話

英語(yǔ)演講技巧冷笑話1

　　律師咨詢費(fèi)(中英)

　　A lawyer' s dog, running about unleashed，beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?" The lawyer answers，"Absolutely.”

　　一位律師的狗被放出來(lái)后，直接來(lái)到一了肉店偷了一大塊烤肉。之后，肉店老板來(lái)到那位律師那里問(wèn):“如果一個(gè)沒(méi)有被拴住的狗從我的.肉店里偷了一大塊烤肉的話，我有沒(méi)有權(quán)利要那只狗的主人賠我的肉錢?”那個(gè)律師回答說(shuō):“當(dāng)然可以�！�

　　“Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”

　　“這么說(shuō)你欠我八點(diǎn)五美元。今天是你的狗被放出來(lái)后到我的店里偷的烤肉。”

　　The lawyer, without a word，writes the butcher a check for $8. 50.

　　那位律師一句話沒(méi)說(shuō)，給那個(gè)肉店老板開(kāi)了一張八點(diǎn)五美元的支票。

　　Several periods of time later the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.

　　過(guò)了一陣子。肉店老板打開(kāi)他的郵箱看到一封信，是那位律師寄來(lái)的，上面寫著:請(qǐng)付一二十美元律師咨詢費(fèi)。

英語(yǔ)演講技巧冷笑話2

　　英語(yǔ)小笑話演講稿帶翻譯：伊甸園

　　Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?"

　　亞當(dāng)在伊甸園里走來(lái)走去，感到十分的孤獨(dú)。上帝問(wèn)亞當(dāng):“你怎么了？”

　　Adam said, "I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

　　亞當(dāng)說(shuō):“我連個(gè)說(shuō)話的人都沒(méi)有�！�

　　God said，"I will give you a companion and it will be a woman.” He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make, she will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.”

　　上帝說(shuō):“我會(huì)給你找個(gè)伴兒，她就是一個(gè)女人�！鄙系劢又�說(shuō):“這個(gè)人會(huì)為你煮飯，洗衣服，她會(huì)時(shí)時(shí)刻刻同意你的意見(jiàn)，她還會(huì)為你生兒育女，而且從不會(huì)讓你在半夜里起床照顧孩子。她更不會(huì)嘮叨。她總是第一個(gè)承認(rèn)自己錯(cuò)了。當(dāng)你們有分歧的時(shí)候，她也不會(huì)頭痛，在你需要的`時(shí)候，她仍舊會(huì)毫無(wú)保留地給你她全部的愛(ài)和熱情。”

　　"She will not nag,” God continued, "and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement, she will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever needed.”

　　亞當(dāng)問(wèn)上帝:“想得到這個(gè)女人，我要付出什么代價(jià)？”

　　Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God said, "An arm and a Leg!”

　　上帝說(shuō):“一條胳膊和一條腿。”

　　Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

　　亞當(dāng)說(shuō):“那一根肋骨能換什么？”

　　AND THE REST IS HISTORY.

　　于是就有了后來(lái)的人類歷史。

英語(yǔ)演講技巧冷笑話3

　　到底有多少大豆(中英)

　　While going through his wife's dresser drawers，a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife，and when asked about the curious items，she confessed: "Over the years，I haven’t been completely faithful to you.

　　一個(gè)農(nóng)民在他妻子的化妝臺(tái)抽屜里發(fā)現(xiàn)三個(gè)大豆和一個(gè)裝有三十美元的信封。那個(gè)農(nóng)民找到他的'妻子問(wèn)這件奇怪的事。她坦白道:“在過(guò)去幾年里，我沒(méi)有完全忠實(shí)于你。”

　　"When I did fool around, 1 put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion，”she explained.

　　她解釋道:“每當(dāng)我做出對(duì)不起你的事時(shí)，我就會(huì)放一個(gè)大豆進(jìn)去，以此來(lái)提醒自己對(duì)你的不忠�！�

　　The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore，was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in his wife.

　　那個(gè)農(nóng)民也承認(rèn)他也曾有幾次做過(guò)同樣的事。因此，他愿意原諒她的妻子并忘記這一切。

　　"I'm curious though，”he said，"'here did the thirty dollars come, from?"

　　“但我還是奇怪，”他說(shuō)，“那三十塊錢是怎么來(lái)的？”

　　"Oh that,” his wife replied，"Well，when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel，I sold out!”

　　“噢，那錢呀，”他的妻子回答，“你知道嗎?每八加侖大豆能賣十塊錢呢!那是我賣大豆的錢!”

英語(yǔ)演講技巧冷笑話4

　　船長(zhǎng)與大副(中英)

　　The first mate was found to be drunk one day and that day it happened to be the captain’s turn to write in the ship' s log so he wrote: The first mate was drunk today.

　　一天大副喝酒喝得大醉，這天正好輪到船長(zhǎng)記航行日志。他寫道:大副今天喝醉了。

　　He begged and pleaded to the captain to remove that entry but the captain argued that once an entry was made in the company’s Log it couldn’t be d. 'The first mate decided to get even. The next time when it was the first mate's turn to write in the log, he wrote: The captain was sober today.

　　大副苦苦哀求船長(zhǎng)不要把這個(gè)寫進(jìn)去，但是船長(zhǎng)說(shuō)一旦寫進(jìn)了航海日記就不能刪去了。大副因此決定要對(duì)船長(zhǎng)進(jìn)行報(bào)復(fù)。當(dāng)輪到大副記航海日志的時(shí)候，他寫道:船長(zhǎng)今天是清醒的。

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