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簡單的英語幽默笑話（精選12篇）
學(xué)習(xí)英語，閱讀真的很重要，多閱讀一些簡單的英語笑話也是提高英語閱讀能力的一種，下面小編在這里整理了簡單英語小笑話12篇，希望大家會喜歡這些英語笑話!
簡單的英語幽默笑話 1
Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."
"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.
"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.
麥克上學(xué)遲到了。他對布萊克老師說：“對不起，老師，今天早上我遲到了。因為我在夢里觀看了一場球賽�！�
“為什么它會讓你遲到呢?”老師問道。
“因為這兩個隊都沒有能力獲勝，所以就持續(xù)的時間長了�！丙溈嘶卮鹫f。
簡單的英語幽默笑話 2
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didnt do.
The mother exclaimed, But thats terrible! Im going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didnt do?
The little girl replied, My homework.
一天，小女孩從學(xué)校回到家里，對媽媽說：媽媽，今天在學(xué)校里我因為一件我沒有做的.事情而受到懲罰。
媽媽激動地說：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老師好好談一談，對了，你沒有做過的那件事是什么?
小女孩回答說：我的家庭作業(yè)。
簡單的英語幽默笑話 3
When theyre together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."
As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "Cmon, Steven, lets get dirty . "
我五歲的`兒子和他的表弟在一起的時候，總要招來大亂。一個星期六，我開始抗議了�！昂美�，你們兩個，”我嚴(yán)厲地說，“不許叫喊，不許亂拿，不許哭鬧，不許亂敲，不許取笑，不許扯淡，不許弄壞玩具，不許亂抓，不許打架�！� 我剛轉(zhuǎn)身要走，就聽我兒子說：“來，斯蒂文，我們來把自己弄臟吧�！�
簡單的英語幽默笑話 4
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, Im the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him whats wrong and he answered, "Whats wrong? I work for 7up"!
四個好朋友在醫(yī)院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產(chǎn).護(hù)士過來對第一個男人說:"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達(dá)雙子隊的經(jīng)理."過了一會兒,護(hù)士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的'董事."最后,護(hù)士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們?nèi)齻�都很高興,但第四個伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝并用頭撞墻.他們問他有什么不對勁,他回答道:"什么不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
簡單的英語幽默笑話 5
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”
簡單的英語幽默笑話 6
An engineer, a physicist1, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation2 with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
簡單的英語幽默笑話 7
When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howards clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.
Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.
One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Toms clothes very carefully.
Then he said angrily, "Isnt that one of my ties, Tom?"
"Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom.
"And that shirts mine too."
"Yes, thats yours too," answered Tom.
"And youre wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard.
"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You dont want your trousers to fall down, do you?"
簡單的英語幽默笑話 8
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit , "Well, sir," he said, "I dont know what were voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣，因為總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。
一個星期天，正當(dāng)坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時睡覺。于是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧�！彼械娜硕颊玖似饋怼�(dāng)然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的'人請站起來!”
打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來�？吹侥翈煾哒驹诮虊希鷼獾目粗�。這個人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人�！�
簡單的英語幽默笑話 9
Peter joined the army when he was eighteen,and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier.He did quite well in everything except shooting.One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting,and all of them were doing quite well except Peter.After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once,the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said,"Youre quite hopeless,Peter!Dont waste your last bullet too!Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!"
Peter felt ashamed.He went behind the wall,and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.
"Heavens!" the officer said."Has that silly man really shot himself?"
He ran behind the wall anxiously,but Peter was all right."Im sorry,sir," he said,"but I missed again."
彼得十八歲那年參了軍,他需要參加幾個月的學(xué)習(xí)以成為一名好士兵.彼得在其他方面都做得很好,但是射擊不行.一天他和伙伴們練習(xí)射擊,除了彼得其他人都沒有問題.他射了九次,一次也沒有命中目標(biāo).這時,教新兵射擊的教官說：“彼得,你看來是沒希望了,不要連最后一發(fā)子彈都浪費(fèi)掉!去那堵墻后面用它向自己打一槍吧.”
彼得感到非常慚愧.他走到那堵墻后面.幾分鐘后,教官和新兵們聽到一聲槍響.
“上帝!”教官叫起來,“難道那個笨蛋真的.朝自己開槍了?”
他急忙跑到那堵墻后面,發(fā)現(xiàn)彼得安然無恙.“對不起,長官,”他說,“我還是沒有命中.”
簡單的英語幽默笑話 10
An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman: "How much this stuff?"
一位耳聾并且總是嫌?xùn)|西太貴的老太太走進(jìn)一家商店。 她問店員：“這東西要多少錢？”
"Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap." The lady said, "It is too much, give it to me for fourteen." "I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven."
“七美元，太太，這是很便宜的'�！� 老太太說：“太貴了，十四美元差不多。” 店員忙說：“我沒說十七美元，是七美元�！�
"It is still too much," replied the old lady, "give it to me for five."
“還是太貴，”老太太說：“五美元，我就買啦�！�
簡單的英語幽默笑話 11
One day, John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many times. John felt very happy because he thought his wife chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby.
During one night several weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep.
一天下班回家，約翰發(fā)現(xiàn)妻子在搖半歲的女兒，嘴里反復(fù)念道：“爸-爸�！奔s翰心里感到美滋滋的`，他的妻子選擇了“爸爸”這個詞首先教孩子。
幾周后的一天夜里，約翰和妻子被一陣哭聲驚醒了，“爸-爸!”“她在叫你，親愛的�！逼拮诱f，然后翻身竟自睡了。
簡單的英語幽默笑話 12
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didnt donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and its not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sisters husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"Im terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if Im not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
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